Puddle Cruiser

Paper Heart

unique, but not too interesting

charlyne yi (actress/comedian/musician) is the star of this 'documentary' about love and how she doesn't believe in it. the characters are thinly veiled versions of themselves as this is kinda a mix of documentary and behind the scenes footage, but a lot of it is scripted. the interesting/touching parts involve real people talking about love. that's the documentary part of it. things change when yi develops a relationship with michael cera (her real life boyfriend at the time) and the "filmmakers" think she's falling in love. yi is likeable to be sure, but she's not feminine at all, and the fact that she doesn't believe in love gets annoying. i don't see what cera sees in her, other than she's quirky and funny.

Ponyo (Gake no ue no Ponyo)

cute, but beautiful anime film

once again i am amazed by the films of hayao miyazaki. his films (and plenty of other anime features) are so much more impressive than the pixar/dreamworks crap they keep churning out. i was once again reminded why i love traditional animation. ponyo is a young goldfish in the ocean who wants to be human like her new friend sosuke. she tastes his blood while healing his cut, and she begins to transform into a mermaid/girl. she and sosuke have an adventure trying to get to his mother during a major flood caused by the father of the sea. it's a little too childish for my tastes, but it's a fun heartfelt film by a unique master.

Porco Rosso (Kurenai no buta)

another amazing hayao miyazaki animated feature

i simply love good anime films. especially miyazaki's masterpieces. porco rosso is the story of porco, a seaplane fighter in the 1920's who looks like a pig-man. he ends up in need of repairs to his plane in order to challenge curtis,an american pilot, for his honor, and ends up meeting a young girl engineer named fio. the plot is simple and not that important. the animation is amazing and the action is great. just a wonderful animated film that is more mature in nature.

Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire

flawed, cliche, but not too bad

precious is a fat black teenage girl who's pregnant with her second child. she's illiterate, and her babies' daddy is her father. her mom is abusive, and she discovers she has HIV. talk about overkill! precious isn't even that much of a likeable character, despite all her problems. it's a sad movie, and one genuinely tearjerking moment... overall the film has lots of cliches, such as the overly sympathetic teacher who thinks education is the most important thing. the movie is sad, but also kinda funny in parts. the 'daydream' scenes are kinda weird, they break the story so much and interrupt the flow. i think it's a good story that should be told, but the problems facing precious are too immense, and makes everything unbelievable. gabby sidibe, the woman who plays precious, does a great job, and so does mo'nique as her mother. mariah carey however is horrid. she can't act. removing your makeup doesn't make you believeable, it just makes her annoying and pretentious. she shouldn't make a career out of this.

Public Enemies

melodrama, romance, and 140 minutes. wtf, this is a gangster film??

public enemies is the latest michael mann gangster drama. this one is based on john dillinger (played by johnny depp) the depression era bank robber and his evasion of the fbi, led by melvin purvis (christian bale). the film is 140 minutes. that's way too long for how little actually happens in this film. there is plenty of manufactured drama and romance, which seems completely out of place in this movie. for some reason some deaths are worth long drawn out scenes that show the drama and angst in the person's eyes... while some get killed and we just move on. that's what i mean by manufactured. the filmmakers want us to care about some deaths, and not others, but it's seemingly for no reason. who cares... there is plenty of good shootout scenes, even if it's nothing we haven't seen before. this is quite similar to michael mann's heat that it's funny. heat is much better by the way. the scene that made me lol was when depp's girlfriend billie (marion cortillard) is being beaten by interrogators, until christian bale shows up to beat up her abuser and subsequently carry her to the ladies room. so fucking hollywood! god i laughed at the absurdity. not to mention the final sequence of the film, which i won't give away, but it is quite cliche. there are plenty of boring pointless moments in public enemies, and the only thing that is really worth a damn is the shootouts and bank heists. i feel like such a typical man for saying that, but this just isn't a good movie.
as with a lot of period movies made lately, public enemies shows almost no signs that it takes place in the past. the film techniques don't fit the date of the film, and other than the costumes and cars (which at all times appear to have just been washed) it just doesn't feel like the great depression era at all.

Pierrot le fou

good 60's french cinema

i was lucky enough to see jean-luc goddard's film 'pierrot le fou' on the big screen. the film was similar to other good films from the era, and had a certain element of realism that we don't see in films today. pierot is a normal man who leaves his old life behind to start a life of crime with his new love marianne. the film is quite wierd. there are a few times when the characters look into the camera and talk to us... and even an extra tells us he's an extra. the film has several different tones, but overall its enjoyable. if for nothing else than watching the main characters respond to each unique situation that arises. such as murder, robberies, arson, etc. nothing seems to phase these two who are on their journey to actually live.

Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead

TROMA DELIVERS AGAIN!

i'm a huge troma and lloyd kaufman fan. i remember renting horrible films like redneck zombies, sgt. kabukiman, and cannibal the musical as a teen, and i still am an avid fan. poultrygeist is an epic film, much like terror firmer before it. lloyd and his wife even spent their savings to make this awesome horror/comedy musical! the story is amazing, a fast food chicken place moves into tromaville, and build the newest store on an indian burial ground. all hell breaks loose soon as the chicken starts infecting people turning them into chicken zombies. the film is actually a very smart satire on the fast food industry, and the treatment of native americans. arbie and wendy are former high school lovers who find themselves on opposite sides of the chicken/indian debate as wendy turns out to be a militant lesbian out to crush megacorporations. while arbie wants to win her back by working at the very restaurant she hates! the music in the film is actually really catchy and i liked it all. lloyd himself gives a great performance. of course there are TONS of gross out moments, lots of boobs, shit splattering all the walls, the infamous car flip scene, and other atrocities that make troma films great! its a shame that this film was pirated so early on, hopefully more people will choose to support independent art by purchasing poultrygeist from troma.com. i sure hope lloyd keeps making films, because this may just be his best to date.

Parents

strange but awesome comedy about cannibalism!

directed by bob balaban... that alone had me curious about this little film, and it wasn't too bad. randy quaid stars as nick, a father who may or may not be a cannibal. his son michael suspects that some strange shit is going on ever since they all moved to their new home. it takes place in a 50's era suburbia where quaid is a working man and his wife stays home to make the meals. randy quaid works for Toxico developing chemicals for warfare, but uses cadavers a little too thoroughly. i think the dark comedy works rather well in parents, and the kid who plays michael is awesome. definitely more of a cult movie worth a look.

The Player

now more than ever

robert altman's the player still holds plenty of truth 17 years after it was made. the critical examination of hollywood dirtbag executives and the system that keeps art out of mainstream film is excellent. tim robbins stars as griffin mill, a declining producer who begins receiving threatening postcards from a disgruntled writer who he never "got back to". meanwhile he sees a young hotshot exec. rising in the studio and threatens to put mill out of a job. things go horribly wrong for griffin when he tries to confront the writer in person. the film has an excellent ensemble cast, as do all of altman's movies, and lots of great performances. probably the best scene in the movie is the first 8 single take featuring many of the characters on the lot. the ending is very good and makes the film.

Porn Star: The Legend of Ron Jeremy

talk about a boring person

ron jeremy is not an exciting person, and this documentary proves it. he's just an old "washed up" former star who is trying to make it in hollywood. he is not funny, has almost no acting talent, and is pretty much pathetic in a lot of ways. this documentary tries to give us some background on the 'legend', but all i came away thinking was how pathetic people like him are. sure he was a great porn star, and did that well, but that doesn't mean he deserves real credibility as an actor. that's what he's searching for, but he blames people for his lack of good opportunities, rather than accept that he's just not that good. not very interesting at all. one of the most pathetic scenes was watching ron at a frat party accepting an honorary membership. very sad.

The Princess and the Warrior (Der Krieger und die Kaiserin )

beautiful, artistic film, but way too long

the princess and the warrior is a beautifully shot film with some great music to go throughout the story. my biggest problem however was how many very boring scenes there were in it. truth be told, i fell asleep twice during the film, so i had to watch it a second time to get the whole plot. the director and lead actress from run lola run return for this moving film about a girl who gets hit by a truck and her life is saved by a man who doesn't want anything to do with her, or life for that matter. the two cross paths a few times and eventually run away together. there's obviously a lot more to the story, but i won't go into that. the movie is well over 2 hours and they could have cut out a lot of boring dialogue in my opinion.

Porky's

teenage hormones mixed with a little bit of heart.

obviously porky's is the epitomy of teenage sex comedies. it isn't too bad actually, especially for its time. the girls are hot, the story is silly, and there is even a little bit of goodwill thrown in. the jewish kid becomes friends with the bigot/redneck, and the jerks get what they had coming to them. overall pretty entertaining, even though it is often very dumb.