Tuesday, December 30, 2008

I'm a Cyborg, But That's OK (Saibogujiman kwenchana)

korean yodeling? awesome!!

i'm a cyborg is about as unique as you can get for a comedic romance set in an insane asylum... and for an asian film that's saying a lot. young-goon has a secret, she is a cyborg, and she is on a mission to kill all the doctors who locked her granny up for eating radishes all day, because she is a mouse. that's not all that absurd when in fact there is a guy who steals days of the week and people's ping pong ability, a large woman with magic static socks that make her fly, and one amazing pair of dentures. the film is just full of crazy, but that's not a bad thing. lots of asian films, and some wacky indie american ones, try to go overboard with nuttiness with no purpose. i don't think this is one of those. plenty of drama and romance between the 2 leads, even if it seems like the girl is robotic. the dude in the film cares so much for young that he goes through many great lengths to get her better and make her happy... its pretty touching actually...

also there are lots of great scenes involving special effects including young-goon shooting up the asylum with finger guns multiple times... lots of good music as well. worth seeing.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Jack Frost

"well it aint fucking frosty!"

with brilliant dialogue like that you know it must be a great b grade christmas horror flick. jack frost is terrible. that's the only way to describe it overall. now i really love terrible movies that are entertaining, but this was dreadful. the filmmakers idea of action was close up shots of various snow men body parts, followed by cuts to some bloody mess, back to the snow men, etc. there were almost no wide shots whatsoever in the film. the story even rips off david lynch's twin peaks in many ways! not to mention how horrible the "snow" looked in the movie... we also don't get to see shannon elizabeth's boobs. what the fuck?

Saturday, December 20, 2008


sadness = happiness

i really like todd solondz films. i am not totally sure why, but they seem to be very real in a totally unreal kind of way. happiness is a pitch black comedy about people and their perversions, struggle to find happiness, and love. the ensemble cast is amazing, and even with the very disturbing subject matter the characters still are seen as very human and 'likable'. it is pretty hard to watch billy talk to his pedophile dad about masturbation and cock size, but somehow todd solondz pulls it off and makes it work.

jon lovitz of all people gives a KNOCKOUT performance as joy's ex-boyfriend. seriously, i never thought of him as an actor. but he is amazing in the opening scene in my opinion.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Carved: The Slit-Mouthed Woman (Kuchisake-onna)

average asian horror flick

carved isn't really anything special for a horror movie. the plot revolves around a ghost story about a 'slit-mouthed' woman who terrorizes Japan. the legend turns out to be real as children go missing, and we learn that the woman is really the mother of a teacher at an elementary school. for some reason after years in hiding, the woman comes back now and its up to the son to destroy her. lots of child abuse and big-ass scissor cuts later we are left with no real resolution. the ending was pretty predictable however. kinda freaky, but nothing really scary to see here.

Monday, December 15, 2008


purity, YES!!!

ok, so teeth is based on the urban legends about girls growing teeth in their vaginas, and therefore guys shouldn't rape them. kind of a good idea for a horror/comedy movie, but teeth is pretty much a one note movie. she bites off one dude's dick, then another, and another... and nothing really gets resolved in the end. the purity crusaders in the film made me want to gag, and the main girl (dawn) was so damn annoying. she knew she didn't want sex until marriage, but she didn't even know the first thing about her body. dissappointing all around.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon

very original horror movie... finally

in a time where the only good original horror films are made in asia, only to be remade by shitty hollywood execs... we get behind the mask. very entertaining comedy/mockumentary/horror film. we get plenty of 'behind the scenes' info on psychotic movie killers like jason, freddy, and chucky. many of the silly horror film cliches are explained in great detail by the main character leslie vernon. he's working on a big massacre while a film crew documents the events. very original and creative plot. my only real complaint for this movie is the lead actress. i wanted to chop her fucking head off. she is so damn ugly and annoying! otherwise, very cool movie. also robert englund is pretty good in a smaller, but pivotal role.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

The Midnight Meat Train

started off good at least

midnight meat train started off pretty good, with vinny jones killing people in a very scary/creepy style on the train. then it got pretty conventional for a horror film and lost its edge. a lot of the scenes and lines came right from out of many other horror films, like how no one believes the main character when he says he's seeing murders, and so on. the main guy, leon, is a photographer who takes photos of bad stuff around the city. he becomes fascinated by the butcher and follows him around until he gets caught, and has to become the new butcher. oh, did i just give away the ending? oh well. vinny does a good job as the silent butcher. he's creepy as fuck and i wouldn't fuck with him for a second.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

The Princess and the Warrior (Der Krieger und die Kaiserin )

beautiful, artistic film, but way too long

the princess and the warrior is a beautifully shot film with some great music to go throughout the story. my biggest problem however was how many very boring scenes there were in it. truth be told, i fell asleep twice during the film, so i had to watch it a second time to get the whole plot. the director and lead actress from run lola run return for this moving film about a girl who gets hit by a truck and her life is saved by a man who doesn't want anything to do with her, or life for that matter. the two cross paths a few times and eventually run away together. there's obviously a lot more to the story, but i won't go into that. the movie is well over 2 hours and they could have cut out a lot of boring dialogue in my opinion.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Swimming with Sharks

more drama than comedy... but very dark

going in to this film i didn't know much other than i love frank whaley (especially in the jummy show, which he also wrote/directed) and kevin spacey. i was hoping for more dark comedy from this movie about the ruthlessness of hollywood, but it was mostly just dramatic shouting scenes, which were great by the way, involving spacey. both lead actors did great. the whole 'torture' scene throughout was kinda convoluted, and has been done before. worth seeing, but nothing really exceptional.going in to this film i didn't know much other than i love frank whaley (especially in the jummy show, which he also wrote/directed) and kevin spacey. i was hoping for more dark comedy from this movie about the ruthlessness of hollywood, but it was mostly just dramatic shouting scenes, which were great by the way, involving spacey. both lead actors did great. the whole 'torture' scene throughout was kinda convoluted, and has been done before. worth seeing, but nothing really exceptional.

Monday, December 8, 2008

The Ten

Humorous, but not really funny

The state guys were at it again with this one... the ten. ten stories based on the 10 commandments. none of them are particularly ground breaking, or even all that original. i didn't really laugh out loud at all during this. there were a bunch of funny parts, but nothing memorable at all. david wain the director got all the guys from the state to make cameos or star in the movie... which was really cool. there was plenty of wasted talent however, jessica alba, wynona ryder, ron silver, oliver platt, etc. were all in 'the ten', but the stories just weren't that good.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

City of Ember

starts off good, then the kids get annoying, then ends pretty strong.

city of ember is a kids movie for the most part. kids (teenagers) are the only ones who can save the future of the human race, and the adults for the most part are stuck in the ir old ways. been done before, but the special effects and story of city of ember are pretty original and good. tim robbins and bill murray are good, i just couldn't take much more of the kids in this one.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Erik the Viking

not as funny as python, but good adventure with some depth...

i've wanted to see this film for a while now. not knowing much other than it was by terry jones and starred a few monty python guys (jones and cleese), i figured it was worth watching. it started off pretty funny, then got boring, then got pretty good. tim robbins is pretty good as usual (in one of his earlier and lesser known roles) as the reluctant viking turned heroic leader.

probably my favorite part in the film was when the christian guy saw through the silliness of the mythology and was able to save the group. i was pleasantly surprised by erik the viking, even though there were a few dull parts.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Wet Hot American Summer

'the state' stars get together to make a kinda funny film

i've had this on video for years now and just now decided to watch it. mainly because i liked role models (made by basically the same people). The movie is decent, and has some pretty funny stuff... but overall it is just kinda messy. the stories and characters are funny, but there are many awkward scenes and dumb jokes that just get in the way. i don't really care for Janeane Garofalo either. all the main guys from the state are great however, and Paul Rudd plays a pretty good teenage jerk. i'd recommend wet hot if you like the state, stella, reno 911, etc., otherwise you can pass.